Breathe Me
by Myra109
Summary: Leo was making progress until Percy and Annabeth fell into Tarturas. He was eating, talking, but when seven becomes five, everything begins to fall apart. And with everything going on, no one notices. What will become of our favorite repair boy? Sequel to Courage, anorexia, bulimia, self harm, non graphic sexual abuse, other warnings before chapters, rating may change
1. Hurt Myself Again Today

_This is the second part of my Eating disorder collection (note to self, think of a better name later). The first is Courage; read that first._

 _ALSO, THERE IS A PARAGRAPH IN LEO'S DREAM THAT IS ITALICIZED. IT DEALS WITH DEATH AND BLOOD, SO READ THAT AT YOUR OWN RISK (_ _damn those awful nightmares demigods are cursed with...)_

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nothing_**

 ** _WARNINGS: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. NONGRAPHIC SEXUAL ABUSE (ITALICIZED IF YOU WANT TO SKIP IT), SOME BLOOD_**

* * *

 _Help, I have done it again_

 _I have been here many times before_

 _Hurt myself again today_

 _And the worst part is there's no one else to blame_

-"Breathe Me" by Sia

* * *

Everything is going great for Leo until Percy and Annabeth fall into Tarturas.

He's eating; he's gotten rid of all of his self harm objects, including his hand held pencil sharpeners and his razor blades. He hasn't purged in more than a week. He's talking to people, sharing his past, and his panic attacks have dwindled since his recovery first started.

But then, Arachne pulls Annabeth into Tartarus and drags Percy down with her, and Leo feels like he's falling with them.

Leo distracts himself by doing repairs, inventing, training, and a hundred other things, which helps take his mind away from the missing Heroes of Olympus. But in distracting himself, he forgets to eat.

That's okay, though. He's been so numb since Percy and Annabeth fell, and... the emptiness in his stomach gnaws at him, painfully. But it's proof he's in here. It's proof he's alive.

The others haven't noticed. Leo doesn't even make an effort to pretend he's eating or hiding his food. They're all so worried about Percy and Annabeth that they forgot about Leo's recovery all together, and they didn't think the disappearance of their friends would jeopardise it.

But it did, and even though Percy and Annabeth are in Hell, Leo is, too, and all three of their lives are in danger.

One morning, Leo wakes up far too early: five AM. As his recovery dissolves into a relapse, his insomnia has started to creep back in, too, right along with the Voice.

Leo lies in bed for twenty minutes, too exhausted to stand. He'd almost forgotten how tired not eating makes you; it's only been a week and a half since his recovery started, but it seems like years.

Finally, Leo manages to roll himself out of bed, and he walks to the bathroom.

When he looks in the mirror, he no longer sees a fat boy with multiple chins and rolls of squishy flesh. No, that image vanished, and now, he sees a starved child. He sees a boy with ribs sticking out of his stomach; he sees a boy with his spine jutting out of his back; he sees a boy with sunken in cheeks and dark circles under his eyes.

This should make him stop. It doesn't.

He takes a deep breath and stands on the scale, watching as the red numbers blink to form three numbers:

83.2

He doesn't feel like he needs to lose weight, but he wants to because he can control it. Those numbers on the scale are something he can control, just like calories. He can't control what's happening to his friends down in Hell; he can't control the emotions and the guilt of the other or himself; he can't control the threat back at Camp Half Blood. But he can control the numbers.

Leo's stomach growls, and he simply grabs some water and chugs it, knowing it'll fill up his stomach.

He loves how to wet coolness slips down his throat and into the empty well he calls a stomach. It makes him feel proud that that is all in his stomach, and Leo knows he's sick to think like this, but he doesn't care anymore. Whatever progress he made in the past week and a half evaporates before his eyes.

Leo goes to the kitchen and makes coffee, and he downs five cups, and that's before breakfast.

After coffee, Leo travels to the training room, where he exercises for ywo hours. He does his usual exercise routine, consisting of sit ups, push ups, and such, before doing his actual training with swordmanship and battle technique.

Once the clock strikes seven, Leo yawns and puts away his dagger before showering.

After he gets ready, he does some repairs before going to the Mess hall, knowing the others are already there.

He sits down and takes an apple, but nothing more; as he nibbles on his breakfast, he sips water between bites to fill him up faster.

"Leo, how close are to the Doors of Death?" Jason asks.

"Well, no interruptions, three days, but when you factor in monsters attack, it may be longer than that."

"Damn it!" Piper growls. "Can't we go any faster?"

"Piper-" Leo begins.

"No. Percy and Annabeth are in Tarturas; don't you care about what happens to them?"

Everyone falls silent, waiting for Leo's retort.

"You fucking bitch," Leo snaps, and he sees all of their eyes widen before he tosses the apple, which he only took three bites out of, into the garbage and storms out.

* * *

When Leo arrives at his room, he grabs a shoebox out from under the bed and removes the lid.

It isn't That Shoebox; this one is filled with food, and he stares at it before slamming the lid back down and tossing it under the bed.

Exhausted, Leo stands and crawls into bed, curling up under the covers.

 **Everyone hates you,** the Voice yells.

 _I know_ , Leo says back.

 **It's your fault Percy and Annabeth fell into Tarturas.**

 _I know_.

 **You deserve to die!**

 _...I know._

The Voice falls silent for a second.

 **I'm your only friend,** It finally says **. I'll always be here.**

Leo almost smiles.

 _I know. Thank you._

Leo can almost feel a presence beside him, and he feels warmth seeping into him. His stomach doesn't ache so badly; his heart doesn't crack with each beat.

He knows that the Voice is both friend and enemy. The Voice is both angel and demon. It can be caring, but It is manipulative, just like the Devil.

And really, Leo should no better than to dance with the Devil.

* * *

Leo doesn't come out of his room until lunch; there, he swallows some diet coke just to keep him awake.

He only eats a plate of vegetables, and everyone is too busy discussing the Doors of Death to notice.

He understands, but a small part of him wishes they would notice.

Upon returning to his room, Leo can only think about food. He thinks about chocolate and chips and all the foods he wants to eat but can't; he wants to eat, to binge, even.

Leo pops some gum in his mouth and starts sketching some blue prints to distract himself.

He can't give up. He can't surrender the control.

He does his exercise routine later, and he curls up in bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

Leo doesn't sleep for long, however; he wakes up thirty minutes later, and even though he's exhausted, slumber does not return.

Monsters attack the ship, and Leo throws fire before returning to his room. He's almost scared to be around the others because if he passes out again, there's no getting out of eating.

At dinner, he eats some lettuce with salt and pepper, hoping to trick his brain into thinking it's not just a leafy vegetable with seasoning. The salt gives it the flavor his body craves; the pepper spikes his blood sugar.

He stares at the other plates, wishing he could eat without worrying about the calories or the weight.

But most of all, he wishes they would see him. They would see he wasn't eating, and they would help.

But they don't see. The don't ask. And Leo doesn't tell.

And deep down, Leo knows the truth:

He's miserable, and there's no one else to blame but him.

* * *

Back in his room, Leo stares at The Shoebox.

Looking at the photographs and the articles will make this worse, but he can't help it.

He immediately finds the article about Him, and he starts crying.

 _An arm wrapped around his waist..._

 _Lips against his face and neck..._

 _A hand rubbing down his chest..._

 _A silky voice whispering dirty things in his ear..._

 _A hand touching him where he doesn't want to be touched..._

Leo slams the article into the box and chucks it across the room, watching as it slams into the wall, and its contents spill out.

On shaky legs, Leo stands and traverses the room, stopping to kneel on the floor.

His trembling fingers seek out a photograph- the picture of him and Mamá.

"Lo siento," he whispers. "Lo siento, Mamá."

* * *

Leo dreams of blood. It drips down his hands, into his eyes, and it covers his clothing.

 _Around him are bodies. His Mamá burned to a crisp, unrecognizable except for her glassy brown eyes. Maria lying on the ground with a cut on her temple and blood dripping out of a tear in her shirt. Bradon and Alexis, littered with stab wounds, staring up at him from where they lie, holding hands. Madison bleeding from her head, crimson dripping onto the ground. His foster brother, Jake, and his foster mother, Terra, sopping wet, having drowned in a lake after a car accident. Hollie hanging by her neck across from him._

Leo screams.

It can't possible get worse, he thinks.

It gets worse.

Several people appear from nowhere, closing in on him. Teresa; Tia Rosa; Jake Abbot; Sir; his fourth foster father and his numerous children; Him; Blake, Cruella, and other gang members; the bullies he'd faced.

They cackled, hands reaching out to grab him, to take him, to hurt him... to claim him.

Leo does what he does best: he runs.

Shoving people out of the way, he screeches for help that will never come and races as fast as his feet will carry him.

Hands wrap around his midsdction, and he'd recognize them anywhere; he screams louder.

"Shh, none of that," He purrs.

He gives up the fight; He's much stronger than Leo, and Leo knows he won't be able to escape. Leo trembles in the man's grasp.

A hand twists into his curls, and his head is jerked back.

A voice chuckles, cruelly, in his ear.

"You filthy, little slut."

* * *

Leo cries as he wakes up, crying, screaming, and striking at his mattress and the wall.

Calming down, Leo runs his hands over his bed, realizing that he's on the Argo II and that he's alone. He cries in relief, trying to convince himself that He can't hurt him anymore.

But isn't He hurting him right now?

* * *

 _What did you think? This chapter was more to show how Leo's eating disorder is developing and becoming even worse than before, so there wasn't a whole lot of dialogue or action, but not all the chapters will just be a lay out of what Leo did during the day. This was to show what a day can be like for a person with an eating disorder._

 _Also, sorry for any typos, but the website kept deleting my progress, and I didn't want to have to keep thoroughly editing it, so I did my best with what I had._


	2. Be My Friend

_I KNOW. I HAVEN'T UPDATED SINCE JULY AND I AM SORRY._

 _is chapter is meant to show that just because Percy and Annabeth are in Tarturas does not mean that **everyone** is completely oblivious to Leo's problems._

 _There is some OOC Leo in this chapter, but that's because I thought Leo and Nico could relate and Leo knew that Nico could see right through his mask, so he didn't even bother to keep it up._

 _ALSO, there's a poll on my profile about Halloween stories. The summaries are in my bio, and you choose the idea you like the most. The idea with the most votes will be the one I post. The poll is only up until later tonight (October 30) or early tomorrow morning, so get your votes in while you can._

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nothing_**

* * *

 _Be my friend, hold me_

 _Wrap me up, unfold me_

 _I am small, I'm needy_

 _Warm me up and breathe me_

-"Breathe Me" by Sia

* * *

Leo sits bolt up right in bed, sobbing.

The nightmares are coming more frequently. Leo has tried everything, but peaceful sleep is a distant memory now, if the memory of peaceful sleep even existed.

Leo chokes back his sobs, but they continue to come, growing louder and more painful with each breath. He can't seem to stop crying, and he hates himself for it.

A knock sounds at the door.

Leo hurriedly wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath before plastering a smile on his face.

"Come in!" He calls as cheerfully as he can manage.

The door opens, and Leo is shocked to see who it is. He'd been expecting Piper, Jason, Hazel, even Frank, but he hadn't considered that it might be him.

"Nico," he says. "What are you doing up so late?"

Nico steps into the room and shuts the door behind him before raising an eyebrow.

"I could ask you the same thing," he drawls. "I'm right next door. I heard you crying."

Leo frowns. "Crying? I wasn't crying."

Nico rolls his eyes. "Yeah, and that's why your eyes are redder than Rachel's hair."

Busted.

Leo sighs. "It was just a nightmare," he assures Nico. "Nothing to worry about."

"No, but your diet with the emphasis on _die_ is," Nico retorts.

Leo scowls. "What would you know anything about it?"

Nico shrugs. "Jason told me about... everything."

Leo froze. "Everything?"

"As far as I know," Nico responds.

Leo feels his heart rate pick up. Nico and him hadn't been great friends before the quest (Leo had only spoken to him three or four times before the Argo II had set sail), but Leo knows Nico well enough to know that you can't get anything past him. Leo could fool Jason, Piper, even Annabeth, but nothing he did ever fooled Nico.

"Don't be a hypocrite," Leo snaps, bitterly. "You don't eat either."

Nico doesn't seem angered by Leo's tone in the slightest. In fact, he seems rather calm.

"Yeah, but I'm not on the brink of dropping dead," he points out.

"What are you even doing here?" Leo demands.

Leo isn't a rude person, and he wants to make some sort of joke, but that coping mechanism flew out the window. This isn't familiar territory; Nico is practically a new concept, and something told Leo that jokes would not get him out of this.

"I know what you're going through," Nico says, "and I know you've probably heard that a hundred times, but I mean it."

Leo rolls his eyes. "You've had an eating disorder."

"Not exactly," Nico admits. "I mean... I know what it's like to lose the most important person in your life and then be bounced from place to place, never feeling like you belong. I lost my sister, and then, I came to Camp Half Blood, the Underworld, Camp Jupiter, and everything in between. I never stayed because I never felt like I belonged. I put up walls just like you.

"Leo, I don't know you well, but I don't want you to die."

Leo scoffs. "Die? I think you're being a little extreme."

Nico stares at him. "Am I?" He finally says. "As a son of Hades, I can see life forces. A perfectly healthy person has a strong one. A person with stage three cancer would have a weak one. Leo, your life force is flickering."

Leo shrugs. "My life force is flickering? It's not like I'll see the end of the war, so why does it matter?"

Nico knits his eyebrows. "What do you mean you won't see the end of the war?"

Leo raises an eyebrow. "I'm only telling you this because you can accept death. The others can't. Ever since I heard that prophecy, I knew I was going to die. Gaea and I have a personal relationship. The only other person who has one is Hazel, and I am not going to let her die if I can prevent it."

Nico chews on that for a moment, trying to decipher the true meaning behind Leo's words.

"She killed your mom, didn't she?" Nico realizes.

Leo shrugs. "Indirectly, I guess."

Nico frowns. "What do you mean indirectly?"

"She showed up at my mom's warehouse, trapped her in a room, and... I used my powers to make Gaea go away. I did it to protect my mom, but in doing so, I lost control. She died in the fire," Leo admits.

Leo wouldn't typically admit that to another person, but Nico seems to be least likely to judge him.

Nico sighs. "I blamed Percy for my sister's death for years. A part of me still does," he confesses.

Leo knit his eyebrows. "Why did you blame him?"

Nico stares at the ground. "He promised he would protect her, and she died on the quest. That wasn't his fault. It wasn't her's. I just needed someone to blame."

Leo smiles, bitterly. "I know the feeling."

Nico nods, and silence reigns for several minutes.

"Leo... believe it or not, we need you."

"Yeah, if it makes you feel any better, I'll wait until we defeat dirt woman to drop dead," Leo grumbles, bitterly.

"No," Nico says, firmly. "I'm a son of Hades. I've talked to people in the Underworld that have died from eating disorders. They thought no one cared, but then they died. These people... their parents, their friends, sometimes even _entire_ _towns_ never got over their deaths."

"Well, these people aren't me," Leo points out.

"True. But the seven and camp would react the same way. If the seven didn't care, they wouldn't have helped you in recovery. They would've let you destroy yourself."

"That isn't because they care," Leo snaps. "They wanted to feel better about themselves."

Nico laughs. "That's bull shit, and we both know it. They don't need to do anything to feel good about themselves. They'll be seen as heroes whether they help you or not. If they didn't help you, that fact would've been forgotten with their next quest. They care about you, Leo. I'm not good with any emotions, and I can see that. Why can't you?"

Leo doesn't have an answer.

Nico nods. "Exactly. Leo... just promise me something."

"What?" Leo asks.

"Eat something tomorrow. Even if it's just an apple, eat something without exercising afterward or purging or whatever. Can you do that?"

Leo nods, his eyes fixed on the floor.

Nico nods back before heading for the door.

"Nico?"

Nico turns, his hand on the doorknob.

"Yeah."

"Thanks."

Nico gives him a small smile.

"Any time, Leo."

* * *

 _I love Leo and Nico friendship, so don't be surprised if you see much more of that._

 _Like I said, OOC Leo, but I did give an explanation in the chapter and the first authors note._

 _Thanks for reading!_


	3. I Have Lost Myself Again

_I KNOW! It's been so long! I'm so sorry._

 _This chapter is pretty short, but personally, it is probably my favorite so far. This story will be shorter (only five chapters), and usually, the chapters will be short. But the final part of this collection, the next story, is going to be 10-15 chapters, so that story will hopefully be worth it._

 ** _Disclaimer: I do not own PJO or HOO_**

 ** _WARNINGS: EATING DISORDER_**

* * *

 _Ouch, I have lost myself again_

 _Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found_

 _Yeah, I think that I might break_

 _Lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

-"Breathe Me" by Sia

* * *

There are days when Leo doesn't even know who he is.

When you have an eating disorder or even depression or another mental illness, it can sometimes be hard to tell when the mental illness ends and you begin. It's hard to remember who you were before the mental illness, and it's even more difficult to imagine who you would be without it.

Leo knows he is funny; he is easy going; he is outgoing and fun loving. He is intelligent and kind and good at inventing, but no matter how many traits Leo describes himself as, it doesn't bring him any closer to discovering who he truly was. What parts of him are a mask he puts up to keep people from getting suspicious, and what traits describe the real Leo Valdez?

Leo doesn't even know anymore.

But he does know one thing: bad things happen when you don't know who you are.

Leo stares at his apple the next day at breakfast, and the more he thinks, the harder it becomes to bring the food to his mouth.

His eyes dart up and meet Nico's, and the child of Hades nods in encouragement.

Leo sighs and takes a bite.

Immediately, he thinks of ways to decrease calorie consumption, ways to get out of eating; he doesn't even intend to think of these things. It's just a habit at this point.

Leo chews the single bite twenty times before swallowing. Eating slowly lessens the anxiety he feels about eating, but it doesn't quiet the voice.

 **Stop eating! You fat pig! You shouldn't be eating; you should be looking for a way to get Annabeth and Percy out of Tartarus!**

 ** _But Nico-_**

 **I don't care what Nico says. Stop eating!**

And then, a very small voice in the back of his mind whispers something that makes Leo pause:

 _Would Percy and Annabeth want you to stop eating? Would they want you to risk your life like this to save theirs?_

Simple answer: no.

Leo takes another bite of the apple, and Nico gives him a small smile.

Leo polishes off the apple, and for a moment, he considers eating more, but his shrunken stomach aches at the mere thought of it. Rome wasn't built in a day; Leo can't even begin recovering in a single meal.

Leo swallows the last bite of the apple and wipes the sticky juice away from his mouth. He tosses the apple core into the trash can and walks into his cabin.

Leo locks the door behind him, and he pulls open a drawer at his work desk. He reaches inside and grunts as he lifts a stack of papers bigger than his torso out of the drawer. The pile is so huge, it blocks Leo's vision when he grips the bottom of the pile at waist level.

He groans as he drops the heavy pile of papers onto his work desk, and he stares at the sketch on the first page. Illustrations of cannons, firing arms, and so much more litter each of the pages, along with descriptions, measurements, notes, etc. Most nights Leo spends more time designing inventions they can use to defeat Gaea and her army of giants and monsters than sleeping.

Leo picks up one page, and he gives a small, proud smile.

The illustration is of a grenade the size of a marble. Dropping one of these babies would kill every monster within a mile radius, and they are rather simple to make. Once they are invented, as soon as Leo activates them, the minute they're dropped, you have about ten seconds to get as far away from it as possible before it explodes.

Leo wasn't one to toot his own horn (unless he were doing it in a joking way), but these inventions are rather genius, if he did say so himself.

Leo gathers the supplies (that's another thing: the grenades hardly require any supplies to make them), and he starts to piece them together until the first grenade is created.

Leo rests the inactivated grenade in a lock box in another drawer of his desk, but when he reaches for more supplies, his hand smacks against a box sitting on the edge of the desk, and it falls to the floor. Leo mutters some colorful choice words before kneeling down to pick up the box.

Leo frowns as he picks up the box. It was obviously his invention, and he remembers making it, but he can't remember what it does. It looks like a yellow jewelry box.

Leo opens the box, and his eyes widened as a picture of him and his Mamá pops up, which the stand the picture is on does remind him of the ballerinas in some of those jewelry boxes.

A familiar songs begins to play…

 _"Did you lose what won't return? Did you love but never learn? The fire's out, but still it burns, and no one's cares. There's no one there."_ (Quote from "Flares" by The Script)

Leo snaps the box shut.

His mother used to sing that to him every night… It was his lullaby. Even after she passed away, he sang it to himself.

Leo had had a nightmare the night he invented this little box. He'd needed distraction and comfort, and the invention had been born.

Leo slowly opened the box again.

 _Did you see the Flares in the sky? Were you blinded by the light? Did you feel the smoke in your eyes? Did you? Did you? Did you see the sparks filled with hope? You are not alone. Cause someone's out there… sending out Flares. Someone's out there… sending out flares_ (Quote from "Flares" by The Script)

Leo thinks of all of his friends. Jason, Piper, Frank, Hazel, Nico, even Percy and Annabeth. All the people that were and are trying to help him. He's not alone.

And even if he feels like he's lost himself sometimes, he knows he'll be okay because whenever he feels like he's getting farther and farther away from who he really is, his friends will always be there to pull him back.

He'd never truly realized that until now…

Leo crumples to the floor, falling to his knees, and begins to sob, but these tears are not tears of fear or sadness or even guilt.

These are tears of relief because he finally has an anchor, something to hold onto, and knowing that gives Leo more comfort than anything else ever could.

* * *

 _What'd you think of the chapter? Please leave a review! Thanks for reading!_


	4. I Am Small And Needy

_Hello, readers! OOC characters in this chapter!_

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

* * *

 _Be my friend, hold me_

 _Wrap me up, unfold me_

 _I am small, I'm needy_

 _Warm me up and breathe me_

-"Breathe Me" by Sia

* * *

Leo wakes up in the Infirmary, and honestly, he doesn't remember how he got there.

"Leo?" Hazel murmurs, leaning over him.

"Why am I here?" Leo mutters, squinting against the bright light shining from nearby.

Noticing Leo's attempts to block out the bright light, Hazel reaches over and dims the lamp before turning back to him.

"You just passed out," Hazel explains, "while we were training. Nico told us about your relapse, but he said you were eating better. Have you been purging?"

Leo shakes his head. "No. I've even cut down on my training."

"Hmm…" Hazel ponders, pursing her lips. "Sit still."

She takes his hand and presses two fingers to the collection of veins on his wrist. She mouths numbers, and Leo stares at her as she takes his pulse.

She frowns. "Your pulse is dangerously slow. Only thirty-eight beats per minute. It should only get that slow while you're sleeping. I know some athletes that can get their pulse that low, but you're not an athlete."

"Far from it," Leo jokes, if only to hide the fear he actually feels.

Was something wrong with his heart?

* * *

A few days and several intensive tests later, the remaining members of the seven, along with Coach Hedge and Nico, discover the reason behind Leo's slow pulse.

"Your eating disorder has had a dramatic effect on your heart," Nico explains. They are the only two in the Infirmary at this time. "Your heart has been extremely weakened, and even though you've started recovering, a few weeks of eating more and not purging isn't enough to undo the damage."

Leo swallows. "Is my heart failing?"

Nico shakes his head. "Not yet, but it will if you don't start eating properly. If you eat a small amount of ambrosia a day, it will help to strengthen your heart, but if you don't eat, any help the ambrosia can give will be undone by the damage your eating disorder is doing to your body."

Leo sighs through his nose. "So it's either eat… or die."

Nico nods. "Your life force is flickering more and more each day, Leo. If you don't let us help you, you will die. Maybe before the war is even over."

Leo had spent the majority of his life wanting to die. The eating disorder was a slow suicide, and he knew it, but that didn't make him stop because he _wanted_ to die. He didn't have anything to live for; if he ever found something to live for, it would be gone in the blink of an eye.

But he'd finally found something to live for, something that would stay. He finally had stable ground to stand on. He had a reason to live.

And now, he is finding out that if he doesn't start eating, he will die.

Leo feels his eyes fill with tears. "I don't want to die, Nico."

Nico nods. "I know. I don't want you to die either, so please, do us both a favor… and eat."

Nico places a tray of food on Leo's lap, and Leo stares at the soup and the crackers (easy to digest foods) and nutrition drink Hazel wanted him to drink since he was deficient in almost every nutrient and vitamin and mineral he was supposed to have.

After so long of thinking food was the enemy, it might be the only thing that can save him, but that didn't make eating it any easier.

Leo smashes the crackers into the soup (it would be easier to eat them at the same time and get it all eaten faster than eating them separate and taking longer) before he scoops some onto the spoon and takes a bite.

 **Stop! If you keep eating, the control will be lost! All of our hard work will be gone!**

Leo flinches as the Voice screams at him.

 **Fat! Worthless! Useless! Lazy! Weak!**

Leo doesn't feel very hungry anymore. If anything, he feels nauseous.

"Leo, whatever that voice inside your head is telling you, it isn't true," Nico whispers.

Leo nods and finishes off the meal as fast as he can. Before the Voice can get another word out, Leo is finished with the meal and pushes the tray away.

 **Weak! You have no discipline, no self control! Stupid! WEAK!**

"Nico, am I weak?" Leo murmurs.

Nico shakes his head. "No. You are bravest person I know, Leo, and I mean that. Never think that you are weak for trying to recover."

"Recovering is the bravest thing you can ever do," Leo tells him. "That's what my best friend Olivia told me before she left the eating disorder clinic we were staying at."

Nico nods. "She's not wrong, you know."

Leo isn't one to cry in front of people, but all of a sudden, it's all too much, and tears begin to stream down his face.

"I'm sorry," he mutters as Nico, in an uncharacteristic show of emotion, wraps his arms around Leo.

"Don't apologize for crying," Nico says. "Crying is probably the best thing for you right now."

"When did you get so cheesy?" Leo asks with the weakest of smiles, but at least it's a smile.

Nico shrugs. "Probably when I became your friend."

Leo laughs. "You got me there."

Nico nods. "I know. Now, get your strength back. We'll be at the Doors of Death by tomorrow, and we'll rescue Percy and Annabeth."

"What if we don't?" Leo asks.

"We will. I saw those plans in your room," Nico replies. "With plans like those, especially so many, Gaea's army won't know what hit them."

* * *

 _I know, it's a really short chapter, but I did warn you that most chapters in this story will be short. I'm hoping to make the chapters longer in the third and final installment in this trilogy._

 _Thanks for reading! Bye, everyone!_


	5. Breathe Me

_Hello, everyone! Long time, no see, I know, but good news: This is the last chapter of **Breathe Me**! There will be a third installment in this series called Recovery; I'm hoping to have it up by the end of July, **maybe** the end of August (personally, I am **very** excited to write it, but I have to update/post/finish some other things before I can start **Recovery)**._

 _The point of view has changed from first person to third person limited for this chaoter. This chapter is about Leo's past and present and how it contributed to his eating disorder, how it affected him, and how it shaped who he is today. It's a 'life flashing before your eyes' kind of thing, so I thought this chapter would be better told in third person._

 _Also, I apologize if anything in this chapter contradicts Courage or earlier chapters. I started Courage a long time ago and don't remember everything. And if I haven't mentioned it before, no Calypso because I don't want the story to focus too much on romance._

 _I have not read **Blood Of Olympus** in a long time, so the battle scene is not completely accurate._

 _A longed winded authors note, but on with the story!_

 ** _Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus or its characters in any way, shape, or form. I only own my OCs (but they're only mentioned in this chaoter) and a few events that are mentioned in this chapter. In other words, I do not own anything you recognize._**

* * *

 _Be my friend, hold me_

 _Wrap me up, unfold me_

 _I am small, I'm needy_

 _Warm me up and breathe me_

-"Breathe Me" by Sia

* * *

Leo has a plan. Maybe it isn't a good one, but I guess it depends on who you're asking.

Leo feels the hot celestial bronze beneath him as he rides on the newly rebuilt Festus, riding the metal dragon like a horse into battle. His hands grip the reigns until his knuckles turn white, and he'd be lying if he said he isn't afraid of the outcome of this particular plan. His heart, having grown much stronger since he started recovering a few weeks ago (but it's still not perfectly healthy, and Leo knows that if this battle wasn't unavoidable, his friends would be forcing him to stay in the Infirmary), hammered against his rib cage, and his hands began to steadily heat up.

Leo had put this plan together a few weeks ago, and during that time, he'd discovered something new about his powers. If he forced himself to hold back, his hands would becoming burning hot but wouldn't light on fire, and if he did this for a few minutes, he could build up enough energy to cause an explosion that would level most of New Jersey. After discovering that, he had needed to practice because after the eidolon incident at Camp Jupiter, causing that much destruction was the last thing he wanted. He needs just enough energy to complete his plan without destroying what was left of Camp Half Blood.

Leo is only in the air for a few minutes as he flies away from the wreckage of his beloved warship and towards the sounds of battle that fill the camp he'd almost ( _almost_ ) began to call home in the time he'd been there, but it is long enough to do a lot of thinking.

Leo had developed an eating disorder at a young age. Nine years old, and he was worrying about how he could hide his food under the table or how he could get out of being tube fed or pumped full of nutrients at the hospital. Ten years old, and he was making himself throw up for the first time and vowing to never do it again… until he purged again and again and again and again… it became a habit he couldn't break. Eleven years old, and he was shivering and trembling on the floor of his current foster home, sweat pouring out of him and his heart fluttering weakly. He was sure he was going to die, and he had just enough time to begin pondering whether he wanted to die or not when the door opened, and his foster brother found him. Twelve years old, and there's a tube up his nose, irritating his nostrils, while Leo resists the urge to pull it out; one time with the restraints was enough after he pulled the tube out for the tenth time. Thirteen years old, and he's being admitted to an eating disorder facility, reluctant to step foot inside but not having a choice. Fourteen years old, and he's being released from the facility, but it isn't long before he falls back into old habits. Fifteen years old, and he's wasting away in Bunker Nine, building a warship that will be used in a war he doesn't want to be in, while he goes days without eating and nobody even notices. Fifteen years old, and his friends find out and help him start his recovery. Now, he's sixteen years old, and he's going to die. Not from his eating disorder, but he'll die like a hero, defeating Dirt Woman and avenging his mother.

He'll die like a hero, but he sure doesn't feel like one.

He thinks back on his past. If he remembers hard enough, he can almost feel the smoke stinging his eyes as the warehouse goes up in flames, the sleepy chuckle of the earth woman, mingling with the crackling of the flames, penetrating his ears as Leo falls to the ground, slipping into unconsciousness. He remembers his first foster mother, Teresa, who beat him and locked him in an attic for what seemed like an endless amount of time. He remembers Maria, the kind woman who cared for him and didn't seem bothered by all of his medical needs that came after the abuse Teresa put him through. He remembers her husband killing her and trying to drown him in the pool in their backyard. He remembers Sir, the man who treated him and his several foster siblings like slaves. He remembers Alexis and Brandon, his foster siblings, the ones Sir killed. He remembers _him_ , the man who molested him more times than he can count. He remembers all the bad times. The gangs he angered, the strangers that cursed at him when he stole food from their stores, the men and woman that glared at the homeless child, like he was a parasite. He remembers the beatings, the insults, the curses, the hunger, the exhaustion, the loneliness, the feeling of being unwanted. He remembers all of it.

But he also remembers the good times. Believe it or not, there were happy times. Leo always overlooks them because the bad times seem to overwhelm the good times, but that doesn't mean the good times didn't exist.

He remembers the Gerans, the foster family that cared for him like he _was_ their family. He ran away because of a monster attack that scared him off. He remembers the street family, a band of runaways, that took him in when he was homeless and alone. The 'father', aka the leader, was arrested for shoplifting, and the 'mother' and the kids were hauled off to foster care. Leo and a younger child, Molly, escaped, but they were found a few weeks after and separated in the foster system. He remembers the fantastic family he had when he was eleven, the ones that loved him and comforted him after the traumatizing experience of his fifth foster home, the one where Leo was abused physically, mentally, and sexually. He remembers his amazing foster parents and his even more amazing foster sisters. Leo never would've ran away if him and his friend Holly hadn't been bullied mercilessly; Holly had been bullied to suicide, and Leo hadn't stuck around for long after she died. Leo remembers the friends he made on the streets, his fellow runaways, the homeless adults that took him under their wing. Leo remembers the kind, if a bit awkward around the kid who had been through things they couldn't even imagine, family that had cared enough to take him to the eating disorder clinic. Leo had hated them for that at the time and thought they were no better than the neglectful, abusive families he'd lived with, but now, Leo realizes they weren't trying to get rid of him. They were trying to help, and Leo couldn't be more thankful for that. Leo remembers his first _real_ girlfriend; he remembers the nice foster family he was living with, his spunky but hilarious foster sister Thalia (not Thalia Grace. The name is just a coincidence, and Leo found it quite funny when he met Jason's sister because of how similar the two girls had been. The difference was his foster sister wasn't as… cold as Jason's sister was), and the friends she introduced him to. Carlos and Ali. Leo fell in love with Ali, and he would've stayed at that foster home if his past hadn't caught up with him in the form of a bad altercation (that was putting it delicately) with a gang Leo used to be apart of.

Leo remembers meeting Jason and Piper, even if those were just Mist memories. Leo remembers being taken to camp, meeting his siblings, going on their quest, and everything that had happened, everything he had learned, in less than a year. All the friends he had made, the progress he'd made, the emotional rollercoaster he'd been on for years but had only gotten wilder and crazier since he found out he was a demigod.

He remembers the good times, the bad times, and everything in between as he flies towards his death.

Festus swoops down and grabs Gaea in his claws while the primordial screams in frustration, fighting against the dragon as she's pulled further and further away from her domain.

"Come on, guys!" Leo calls to Piper and Jason, who are staring at him, dumbfounded. "The fight's up here."

Jason and Piper follow him to the sky, and the real battle begins. Piper is coaxing Gaea to sleep, and Leo's eyelids start to feel heavy, but he forces himself to stay awake as he blasts the enemy with balls of fire that are rolling off of his body in waves. Leo can only imagine what he looks like, surrounded by flames; fire is all he sees. That, and Dirt Woman.

The fight is nearly over, but for Leo to finish what Dirt Woman started six years ago, the night Leo's mother died, he needs Jason and Piper to be far away.

"I love you guys," he murmurs, and he knows they hear him as he erupts into flames, burning more intensely than ever before, and Jason and Piper begin to fall as Jason loses concentration. Leo watches as two of the Romans' hawks catch them in their claws before the world bursts into a ball of fire. He hears a very girly scream, and he's _pretty sure_ it isn't his own, but he's not entirely sure because pain is clouding his senses.

This is it. Leo is dying.

* * *

… Or at least he was.

Leo can _feel_ his soul leaving his body until it is yanked back harshly, and he feels himself teetering on the line between life and death until he tumbles into life.

And boy… does life hurt!

Leo groans as he opens his eyes, and he finds Nico staring at him, a familiar vial clenched tightly in his fist.

"The Physician's Cure?" Leo murmurs, his head pounding and a terrible taste in his mouth, like he's been gargling sewage.

Nico nods. "You didn't think we would let you die on us, did you?"

Leo smiles before he's pulled into a hug by Nico, and the seven shortly join the group hug.

Leo doesn't stop grinning for a long time because for the first time in years, Leo knows it for sure. No more confusion. No more wondering. For the first time in years, Leo knows that he is _truly_ happy to be alive.

* * *

 _Since there is no Calypso, Leo still came up with the plan to defeat Gaea, but he didn't hide/take the Physician's Cure from Piper, tricking her with that Mist version of the vial, so Piper still had the cure and gave it to him after he 'died'._

 _I love feedback (but keep it kind or constructive criticism because any flames will be ignored and reported if necessary), so please tell me what you thought in the form of a review or a PM!_

 _Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a great day! Goodbye, everyone!_


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